2003-03-01 - 3:40 p.m.
Cherie joke gift.
The Red-Eye Flight, Cross-Country Travel, (with a dog) Survival Kit
This I have just created for Cherie. I will give it to her tonight -- along with her real present. I hope she doesn't read this before tonight, it will ruin the joke.
Contents:
1 large florescent pink bag. This handy bag has a dual purpose. Not only does it carry the contents of your "Red-Eye Flight, Cross-Country Travel, (with a dog) Survival Kit" but it also is guaranteed to keep you alert during those long middle-of-the-night layovers where you fear you will miss your next plane. If you feel yourself getting drowsy, just look at the bag, and you will shock yourself awake.
1 DVD movie. Watch this movie either in an extra-long stopover, or when the on-flight movie on three flights in a row has been any Olsen Twin movie.
2 romance novels. These official Harlequin Romance novels will keep your mind occupied if you find yourself hellishly bored at any time during your travels. They are better than counting the ceiling tiles. These also serve as good kindling should you ever become lost in the woods.
1 dual purpose John Grisham novel. You can read this as a novel in its own right. You can use it as a "dust jacket" for the aforementioned romance novels so no one can tell you are actually reading a romance novel.
1 puzzle book. Hours upon hours of fun pondering why someone would waste their time with a book of puzzles that inevitable has unanswered questions in each puzzle.
2 pens. Perfect for completing crossword puzzles. Or poking at the person next to you when they start to snore. These are a multi-use pen, because used properly they are also a precision "spit-ball" deployment device.
One package of "Soft and Chewy" Milkbones. These treats are specifically for the dog you have chosen to travel with; however, in the event that airline food is all that it is cracked up to be, you may resort to eating them yourself. Warning: be discreet when giving to your dog, as your seat-mate may question why you are feeding your coat.
3 fruit punch drink-in boxes. Again these are multipurpose. You can drink them in time of thirst. The straws are back up spit-ball deployment devices, these can also be used to spill strategically to either excuse yourself from an unwanted situation, or paw the object of lust (example: "Oops, I am so sorry, I did not mean to spill my juice on you. Allow me to wipe it up." pat pat. This technique has been used successfully many times in Hollywood productions.)
1 box of Smarties chocolate candies. While these may not keep you nutritionally sustained for long, sorting the candies into color patterns can amuse you for hours on end. Reminder: Eat the red ones last.
1 package Tic-Tac breath mints. In case the person sitting next to you has bad breath. These can also be used by yourself before speaking if the person siting next to you is really good looking.
2 Zebra cakes. Really these do not have any function other than to eat in times of dire need. (non-squished cakes not guaranteed)
1 personal hygiene emergency kit: for when the airline loses your luggage, or you just have to freshen up in a public washroom. Contains: 1 mouthwash, 1 travel toothbrush, 1 travel toothpaste, 1 floss, 1 deodorant, 1 shampoo/conditioner, 1 hairspray, 6 wet-nap cloths, and 1 small bar of soap all in a handy zip-lock bag, that can also be used to suffocate your seat-mate if he or she snores too loud.
Enjoy Your Trip
This item has been checked by inspector 32.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Her real gift is rather quite nice. I got her a framed print.
We are going to Jose Locos tonight, where I will give her the gag gift, but I think I will wait til later to give her the real gift.
I'm gonna miss her. I am used to being the one who leaves not have others leave on me.
Steve is in town, I guess he is just here for today, then is leaving again, but that other guy is in doing work at his house. Steve is going to take the cats down south with him. Good thing too, 'cause they are really mopey these days. I guess the other guy is going to finish doing work on the house before it gets sold. I have to go put gas in my car, then go over there for a bit. I still have to be home for a shower so I can be at Jose Locos for six. Guess I had better get a move on it.
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